Daycare drama

We have been looking for a new daycare provider for Maya. Yesterday I talked to a potential provider and was honest with her about the problems Maya has been having in her current center. She accidentally texted me afterward:


I responded this morning by email:

Hi Tena,

This is Nicole, who you texted by accident yesterday. It was apparent to me from your texts that you do not know much about infant sleep, so I did some research for you.

1. Where a child sleeps (crib or bedsharing with parents) has no influence on reported sleep problems:

“Neither the presence of daytime napping, male gender or where the child spent most of the night were associated with maternal report of a sleep problem.”

2. Sleep training does not work for longer than a few weeks:

“Conclusions: Behavioural intervention significantly reduces infant sleep problems at two but not four months.”

3. Infants left to cry it out learn that crying won’t bring their caregivers to them, but they remain just as physiologically distressed as evidenced by high levels of the stress hormone cortisol:

“On the third day of the sleep training program, nurses reported that infants no longer exhibited behavioral cues indicating presence of distress. Rather, as anticipated based on previous research and program expectations for infants’ behavior, infants’ vocalization of distress at transition to sleep without caregiver (i.e., Unit nurse) response was absent. However, an examination of infants’ physiological state identified a disconnect in infants’ behavior and physiological expressions of distress. Although infants exhibited no behavioral cue that they were experiencing distress at the transition to sleep, the infants continued to experience high levels of physiological distress, as reflected in their cortisol scores.”

I understand that for you, as a daycare provider, the easiest thing to do when you struggle to get a child to nap is to blame the parents. It would be much harder to be nurturing, compassionate, and do the job you’re getting paid to do by being attentive to the child. But the science indicates that infant sleep is largely unaffected by the efforts we make and sleeping through the night and consolidating naps are developmental processes beyond our control.

It is appalling to me that you are in the business of providing care to vulnerable children, and even more appalling that you are a THERAPIST and it is your job to help people when they struggle. Do you think the clients who come to you for help are just lazy too? Is that what you say about them behind their backs? It makes me sick to my stomach to think that anyone trusts you with something precious and fragile — their babies, their feelings — that anyone comes to you for help, and this is how you treat them.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending me those texts. I am so grateful you exposed yourself for the kind of person you are — lacking in professional ethics, hypocritical, duplicitous, and devoid of empathy — before I made the mistake of leaving my baby in your care.
Back to the drawing board. Tonight we are meeting with a nanny share and against my better judgment we will be visiting another in-home provider later this week.
I never thought this part of parenting was going to be such a struggle.

edit: Huntington Beach Home Childcare,, or HB Childcare & Preschool, is the new name of Tena Madrid’s daycare. I can only assume she is trying to get away from negative reviews by changing the name of her business.


2 thoughts on “Daycare drama

  1. Viv says:

    Wow! My jaw is on the floor. I am so glad this happy accident occurred bc that caregiver sounds terrible.
    Good for you!
    Viv from BB

  2. Sarona R. says:

    I actually just went to apply for this person and I am so glad that I came across your experience with her. I am so shocked by your story! I would like to extend my help to you(if you are still searching). I have two children of my own and have lots of experience with children and being a “sleep fairy”. Please contact me via email if you or anyone you know needs a kind, gently and loving caregiver.

    Wishing you and your family the best!

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